We can all get through this. My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. The problem is somewhere else and only specialist can find it. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. So I fight. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! But you're dragging me down, yeah. Good luck and remember the love bit. And again, explaining here is needed tell her you love her but you exhausted and call to empathise with you. 1 shes too lazy 2 her parents dont let her. I compared myself with healthy happy laughing girls that my boyfriend meet everyday. Shes struggled to be present at her job, and isnt able to meet deadlines or pass things in on time. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. Dear Armand, So that he loves himself. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. Listen, really try to listen like she was your best friend not girlfriend. Thats not me! It would be way worse, and if you leave, then the relationship wouldnt be as big of a crutch and she and you can move on and grow. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. THIS MORNING WITH ALL YOUR WEIGHT TIED TO MY NECK AND YOUR DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN DRAGGING ME DOWN, DRAGGING ME DOWN I GOT . And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. The ex shouldnt even be in the equation. Uffo , I feel like I dont want anything in my life. Being long-distance, you are actually BETTER OFF than if you were local! You say that they dont chose to become depressed no they dont but they can choose to help themselves. She lives 200 km away from me and I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. Youve managed to take care of your girlfriend and remain connected enough to yourself to come up with these questions. somewhere inside you still know that too, its a natural instinct. of each person. So are yours always casting concerned looks? "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." And it can be anything, anything for the wide spectre of psychological problems or disorders. She was sweet, sensitive and caring. I am crying here because I feel you guys are talking about problem that I am facing. Please keep in mind that GoodTherapy.org is an exclusive directory. If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. I didt wanted help, I didnt wanted to tell people how sad I am (and that I dont know why) to anyone. If she wanted to cheat that is her choice. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. I am opinionated and very understanding. I wanted to cope with it on my own, I thought that I would be finally feeling proud of myself if I could fix myself. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. Good luck! Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. I didnt know about it. Im fed up though. we took a break for a day, then got back together. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. Wow. I am moved by how exactly you also spoke for myself Wish we could go for a beer. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Yes, "envier" is a word. It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. Please know there is hope, and help is available. I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. Learn how to be supportive if need be and get counseling yourself. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. And if an argument crops up, it almost always goes smoothly (i.e., no screaming, or blaming, or anything horrible like that). Firstly, good work for simply dealing with it as long as you have you are obviously so much stronger than you think. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? As time went on our texts started to get more and more one sided as i would ask about her day and i would help her with any problems she had, but she would always start complaining about her problems and never actually talking about mine. (Yikes.). The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. The reason I feel it's dragging me down is that my girlfriend's mother has always been extremely disrespectful to me. For the potential cheating part, dont worry about it. I am really surprised to see that there is so many cases of difficult relationships, and also that persons who write here are mostly guys dealing with broken girlfriends. Smoking and drinking! You have to tell her when she hurts you. You're looking older but you can't be certain. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. She shut me off completely and gave me halfhearted reply whenever I talk to her. And probably you wonder why I use past tense when I write. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. When the relationship isn't secure, however, you might feel this nagging sense of jealousy towards everything and everyone. If I ate a regular dinner I felt like it was a huge success. I feel like if I do shell ask why I havent been talking to her, she wont message me for atleast 2 days if I do. Shell probably choose you at first but then once she goes back to try and be friends with the ex, end that shit. I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. Since being in a relationship with her I feel like I've lost myself a little bit? I have a lower sex drive than hers. We are both 18 and have been together for abit more than a year and a half, at first we texted regularly and which wasnt to hard to begin with because the only other commitment we had was school. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. She probably wants you to make a call. When asked I would avoid the answer because I really didnt know, and when forced, probably I would put the blame on someone else or act with aggression. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. Copyright 2007 - 2023 GoodTherapy, LLC. My girlfriend has been depressed for 3 years. Most of you experienced it yourselves unless you are blessed with incredible good looks or a family wealth. but she made fun of me she said she wasnt going to read this BS. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. If so, it could be that your relationship is wearing you out. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. I agree that perhaps she needs more than just medications and there are many wonderful approaches to therapy that could be beneficial to her but I guess that a big part of this will be convincing her that there could be something else out there for her. I fought with my boyfriend just to feel close to him for a while, to be able to talk. I told her that i love her and i would never leave her, i forgave her cuz she lied to me, i told her that if i was with right now i would give her a hug and a kiss. Method 1 Addressing It Right Now 1 Avoid reacting immediately. Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. But when you have a hobby, do make sure that you are always there for her when she needs you. According to psychologist Salama Marine, your pattern could be emotionally draining if "you . This means being comfortable in your skin and with the way you walk, talk, look, breath, move, and all the other things that make you uniquely you. (All is Hell) If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. I also have depression. But every day she is more and more far away from me. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. but in the end in realtionships, its about being happy. So he . Nowadays, going to Youtube to watch movies and listen to music and entertainment is a daily necessity. I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. A trusted therapist will help you thoroughly explore these questions, develop insights, and create and implement a plan of action. When we first met she experienced severe triggers and dissociative states, which led to her being unable to finish her degree, something she carries a great deal of shame from. When you're in a relationship and feeling depressed, two people suffer. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. So it can really, truly suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down. I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. Welcome to Tissue Issues, an advice column from comedian Ash . There was a point in my life when it was obvious I needed to address my depression which exposed itself as anger and Ive been waiting 5 years for her to have the same epiphany. Therapy and meds nothing will work. Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person. If your partner isn't nice, or loving, or supportive in any way, it can leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. she undergoing medications and therapy but nothing could help her. Move on with your life. I am having the same issue and the text is most definitely NOT part of an image. If you haven't been feeling like yourself lately, your romance may be to blame. Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. About me and my girlfriend! It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. On my side my family is going through a very rough time and were worried about losing our home, Im going through a quarter-life crises where I dont know what I studied is the right thing for me, Im also really worried about my future because I dont know where Im heading in life. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. Peace, Man, you guys are explaining my life. Do they really want help? THAT IS PROVEN IN PSYCHOLOGY. She is suffering from depression, anxiety, restlessness, nightmares, physical issues and so on. That is why she will fail. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. In the end of the year, she have changed her medications, on new years eve I gave her weed for the first time, she had a crisis, disappeared and the suddenly left me, told me very harsh and humiliating things, I was totally broken. I can not just do sex all the time Im not a robot. And it started to bring me down even more. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. I am sometimes even tempted to leave her because she is holding me down (work/school). I do everything I can to help her, but I feel like I'm just propping her up, and despite the medications she's taking she doesn't seem to ever improve. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. She was not like this when we first met. I looked it up. In the beginning of her depression I was able to make her feel better, but it was due to talking to her almost every waking hour in some form, and I would constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. So you see, these emotions are complicated, you have trace them few steps back to understand what is really going on. It also seems like you have come to the realization that this situation is not sustainable and that something must change. I have good days and bad days. I dont mind being a caretaker.. but it has to be for someone who also cares about me. my health is declining. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. You have to start working on it, push things forward. I feel trapped. She will need manpower to make the move happen. I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. Bishop Blurz. You wish your sex like was more active, but hate being the one to initiate. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. You tend to put blame on you, stop doing this. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. Hi guys Are they really trying to help themselves? Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. all i want is her to be happy, but am i really capable of making her feel that way? Our arguments are born out of nothing, she wants me to do as she wishes and doesnt believe in personal space, family commitments, having ambitions and achievoing dreams. We had a lot of fun together and while she did have some mental health issues, it never caused too many problems. As I read your comments I am beginning to understand what my boyfriend feels. I try not to put pressure on her to be a certain way or accomplish a certain thing in a given day, but when the time comes when there is actually a really important thing she needs to do, and shes not able to do it, i feel i end up hurting her and not helping. 6. Girls love that kind of crap and its not gay or anything if you do something where you express your feelings. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM Im not sure whats going on but I let her know constructively that I considered leaving her I know its harsh but it was a reality check. It is not your role in this case. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. She is also currently in therapy. Its one thing to be committed to someone and another to keep trying only to see they themselves keep failing back into the same pattern. Ive tried to think of ways to break it off that wont make her hate herself, like saying Im gay or having friends pose as drug dealers and freak her out by having them threaten me when shes around. please help! Sometimes I lash out because I get so frustrated, and then I feel guilty because I got frustrated. She says its her medication but shes been on it since the age of 15 and shes 45 now, Im 42 I knew I had a little depression here and there and a bit of self destructive I dont want to go to work kinda lazy crap going on. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. My Girlfriend's Depression Is Bringing Me Down. There is this main problem with communication between boys and girls we think a little bit differently and act too. They take all the goodness from you and leave you with nothing but sadness and depression. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. In your head, you know it's no big deal. So if your partner isn't pulling his or her weight, you may find yourself feeling like giving up. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. I hear your talking and whispers, pale drawn out nails and fingers. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. We r loving since 5-6 years! I know thats going to be the final solution to all this, but is there anything anyone else could recommend? I admit I got carried away with video games, I wasnt quick to the punch texting her back but Id always tell her where I am what Im up to so she would know and I would always give her an heartfelt lengthy reply. Long distance relationships where you rarely/never meet in person are not really the same thing. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants me to be around my arms! The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . I dont want to leave her, as a friend she needs me more than anything, but I need to figure out a way to help us both (I know Im not going to fix her issues, but just being around saying the same thing over and over again like I love you or everything going to be okai doesnt seem like its doing anything at all. There is more to life than this, trust me. Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. Her family is going to assist her getting professional help, and I have told her that if she needs me in the future I will be there to support her in any way she requires. A day, then got back together, dont worry about it I lash because! Away from me but am I really just wanted to cheat that is her.... 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